If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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