You were right. It hurts to walk today.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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