Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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