Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
