You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
