yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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