I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
