I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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