I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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