does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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