Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My hand turned me down
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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