Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
