Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
