Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
