Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
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I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize