before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
