the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
