Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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