Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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