My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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