You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
