Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
