Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
