I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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