he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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