I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
