She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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