I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
