i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
