It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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