OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
40s are totally the cure
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Shame is for Republicans.
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