I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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