Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
