I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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