I'd wear matching sweaters with you
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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