Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
too bad you live with your parents still
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
