and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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