I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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