Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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