You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
