dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
