In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
my being single is dangerous.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
