I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
