Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
