i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
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There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
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I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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