i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
