Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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