i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
