So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
