words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
