Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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