take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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