i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
