well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
