Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
