Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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