i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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