The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
