Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
