I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
