So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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