I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
