I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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