I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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