She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
