The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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