So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
