In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Pooping to opera.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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