hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
