his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
it glows. i had to have it.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
