so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
