its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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