I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
