Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
