Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
