Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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