Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
