Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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